Seven Slabs Of Seven Inch Vinyl That Ruined My Life

Greetings Earthlings!

Its Monday again, that means Music Mondays is back for round two and so is Herc.  Herc has been eating up vinyl since before I was born, really, and this makes him an authority on the subject in my mind.  Learn from him!  Without further ado, here is Herc's Seven on Music Mondays. 

Seven Slabs Of Seven Inch Vinyl That Ruined My Life

Come now children and gather round, time for a history lesson.  Before digital music, before CD singles and even before cassette singles, there were vinyl singles.  Seven inches with songs on both sides.  Played at forty-five revolutions per minute, they came to be known as 45s.  Here are seven such singles and the amazing stories of how they came into my life.

The Streak - Ray Stevens

Like a lot of kids, the first music I would call my own (as opposed to my parents) was novelty music.  Silly Songs, Looney Toons, Kooky Hits, Dumb Ditties.  The first 45 I ever bought was THE novelty song of 1974: Ray Stevens "The Streak".  Funny voices, funny story, funny song.  "Boog-a-da, boog-a-da."  It started the habit of record buying which turned into CD buying, which continues to this day.  (When was the last time you bought a CD? Or a vinyl record?)  I used to write my own funny songs which evolved into me writing poetry and then short stories.  And I still appreciate a clever or funny or punny song.  (In case you're wondering, I saw Weird Al Yankovic live in concert way back in the Eighties and he KILLED.)

Beware when seeking out your own personal copy of "The Streak" as the artist has re-recorded it and I cannot recommend the new version.  Something was lost.  "Don't Look, Ethel."

Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John and Kiki Dee

In 1976, we lived on the now defunct Chanute Air Force Base in Rantoul, Illinois.  Our next door neighbors had a daughter who was a year older than me.  Her name was Rachel.  Her moms was British by birth and Rachel still had a wee bit of that proper accent.  We shared similar tastes in the pop music of the day and used to listen to records in her basement.  One fateful day, I noticed she had this record in her collection.  I had been looking for it for almost a month but it was sold out every Saturday when our family went to the store.  I asked her if I could borrow it, like it was gonna sound different on my stereo than it did on hers.  She said she'd trade me for it.  I asked her what I had that she wanted.  She said she'd have to see what I had.  So I ran home and grabbed the handful of singles I had managed to accumulate over the last two years.  She leafed through the stack and picked a record that had a similar label to the Elton John one: Neil Sedaka's "Bad Blood".  (It had a similar label because both records were released on Elton's vanity label, Rocket Records.)  She wanted to make a straight-up trade.  I don't know why but I asked for more: a kiss.  To my astonishment, she agreed.  We went outside and walked way out in our shared backyard, behind one of two huge trees.  Just like you see in the movies when the boy gets his first kiss, I closed my eyes and puckered up.  She gave me a little peck ON THE LIPS and then said she'd race me back to the house. We swapped records.  Her family moved away shortly thereafter.

Call Me - Blondie

Eighth grade was cool.  I had crushes on three very different girls, sort of like my own little Charlie's Angels. Lalani was a cheerleader.  Her Mom was Hawaiian so she had an exotic beauty about her.  Great smile.  Yolanda wore glasses and ran track.  She was the product of a "mixed" marriage and had gorgeous caramel colored skin.  She was smart and had long legs.  Robin was the most...uh...well-developed girl in school.  She had a smokey, raspy voice, loved hard rock music and was pretty much the reason God invented tight sweaters. For Valentine's Day that year, it occurred to me that my favorite song of the time, Blondie's "Call Me" might make a cool valentine to each of the three ladies.  I wrote my phone number on the sleeve of each of the three 45s I bought and snuck them into their desks.  All three ladies called me and said they appreciated the record but I was better as "friend" than a boyfriend.  Ouch!  My first such rejection.  Flash forward to the next year, Freshman Year.  I am concentrating on school and playing football.  Dad gets his orders and we are moving to Tucson, Arizona.  My friends throw me a going away party and for much of the night, Lalani, Yolanda and Robin take turns sitting on my lap and whispering things in my ear.  Best.Night.Ever. (Until 1983.  But that's another story for another day.)

Silly Love Songs - Wings

The first girl I ever had as a "girlfriend" was named Janet.  (It will thrill my sons to know that she was Asian.)  Smartest person in our fifth grade class.  I bought her a 25 cent bracelet out of a gumball machine and asked her to be my girlfriend while we were playing on the monkey bars at recess one fine day.  She said "Sure."  Later that week, I bought her a copy of my favorite song at the time, Wings "Silly Love Songs" and said it was our song.  We chased each other at recess and stood next to each other when it was time to line up and head back into class but that was pretty much all we did.  It wasn't enough for her and she broke up with me the following Friday.  On that next Monday, she gave me back the bracelet and the record.  Both were scratched really bad.  Like my heart.

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind - John Williams

Back to Eighth grade again.  I was the stage manager for our class play.  I had to coordinate and supervise everything.  Basically, I was the producer.  Not really though.  I just repeated what our teacher advisor said and opened and closed the curtain.  And I was in charge of music and sound effects.  Our play was inspired by the recent alien blockbuster Close Encounters of the Third Kind and was called Close Encounters Of The Weird Kind or something like that.  We needed a song for when the alien ship landed and took off.  I bought this record.  I played this record at every practice and both performances of the play.  At our wrap party, I played my first game of Spin The Bottle and got to spend my first Seven Minutes In Heaven with a girl named Becky.  It was cool.

So Into You - Atlanta Rhythm Section

Mrs. White was our music teacher in elementary school.  She taught us to sing and play the sticks.  She also encouraged participation in class and every Friday, one or two students would perform.  As the years went on and almost every student had exhausted their repertoire, she started a weekly trivia contest.  I won it every week.  I don't remember if I ever won any prize after the first week but I remember that first prize well: Atlanta Rhythm Section's "So Into You".  Mrs. White even used one of those ink stamps that teachers use to put a smiley on the label.  I still have it.

December 1963 (Oh, What A Night) - The Four Seasons

The first time I ever got straight A's on my report card was in fourth grade, my parents took me out and bought me a state of the art, all in one Soundesign stereo.  It played records AND eight track tapes.  And I got to choose a record at the store to go along with it.  I chose this jam.  Played it to death.  I used to do that, fixate on one record and play it over and over and over again.  My dad burst into my room one day and said these words which have guided my life ever since: "There is too much music in this world to listen to the same song over and over."  Thanks, Dad.  You created a monster.

Herc FTW!  He really laid it all out there.  Asian girlfriends, scratched records, broken hearts, dad love...I could relate to most of it!  Its kinda weird though...some of these songs are some of my faves.  Coincidence?

Is anyone else wondering what an "eight track tapes" is?

PS Hercules is creating spotify playlists at an alarming rate, please enjoy here!