The Dirt! 12 Things Dev Doesn't Want You To Know About Her

Happy Birthday to ME!

Herc seems to have been up to some shenanigans, he emailed me this...just like this.  I don't even want to ask him where he found all of this sensitive information!

Enjoy and since it made me laugh out loud,  I hope it makes you do the same!!!

The Dirt! 150 12 Things Dev Doesn’t Want You To Know About Her

After an expensive extensive exhausting half-arse investigation brief Google search, Herc’s International Exports and House of Global Espionage has prepared quite a thick dossier on our Miss Devyn.  Here’s the dirt, the lowdown, the poop and the scuttlebutt.  Use it as you see fit.

• Devyn is preternaturally afraid of Muppets, 1111111, yellow wooden pencils with pink erasers, 1111111111111111111 and British accents.  Not people with British accents mind you but the actual accents themselves.  This applies to all British, Irish, 1111111111111 and Scottish accents and Australian and some Canadian accents as well.

• Blessed with amazing athletic ability, Devyn fancies herself rather a good golfer but has consistently failed to make it past both the clown’s mouth and the haunted windmill on every course she has ever played.  She prefers to play with an orange ball and club with at least a 3 degree angle while out on the links.

• Practically a fluent speaker in her native language, Devyn cannot wink, blink or operate a ventriloquist figure (“dummy”) without moving her lips.  Or her nose.

• Because she possesses beauty beyond the range of perceptible human eyesight, astute mirrors have been known to look at Devyn before she looks at them.  And the Sun follows her wherever she goes.  Until it gets tired.  And then the Moon takes over.

• Devyn knows the difference between right and wrong but sometimes confuses right and left.  And her password is “1234password” but don’t tell anyone

• It was Devyn’s suggestion that the Girl Scouts Of America slice up their slow-selling Mint Loafs and market them as Thin Mints.  She was awarded the Bright Idea badge and got a personal visit from the National Leader of GSA, who then asked Dev for her autograph.  On a non-disclosure agreement.

• As an avid celebrant of holidays, Devyn refuses to acknowledge the existence of or even decorate for International Hug A Tree Day and Universal Pig Latin Day which are usually more than 7 months apart.

• While playing the position of goalkeeper in AYSO soccer games, Devyn held opponents to fewer than 20 goals.  Every. Single. Game.

• On the rare occasions Devyn deigns to have her car washed by trained professionals, she often chooses to have either Caribbean Breeze or Monkey Farts as the interior scent.  But never both at the same time.

• She’s been known to hock up a small hairball on more than one occasion through no fault of her own.

• The Lord may move in mysterious ways but Devyn uses a 27’ U-Haul truck.  And 37 of her closest family and friends.

• As a child, Devyn’s nose was “stolen” more than a dozen times by close relatives with the long-term effects yet to be determined.  While her nose was always recovered, the guilty culprits have never been brought to justice.