Seven Scary Movies

I'm gonna propose a toast...

ah-hem!  This toast is for all of you out there that can watch scary movies, you have my condolences!


That being said:  I do not like scary movies.

Nope.

Not at all.  I can't even bring myself to watch the classics.  No not even with the lights on in the middle of the day.  Not even when someone is around to protect me.  Not even with my hands over my eyes.  Not even with a finger on the mute button.  Not even if you paid me.

I just can't do it. 

Sorry.


Seven Scary Movies
(that I've never seen but think are pretty scary)

• Final Desination.  The first one of this series was a movie I tried to watch.  I got about halfway into it and left the room in tears.  When that truck of logs/poles/whatever launches one into the driver of the car behind it - I think of that every.single.time. I see a truck of logs/poles.  Then the CRT computer monitor exploded and slit that person's throat....DONE!  That's all I saw of that movie and it was enough. 
• Scream.  My dad had this movie's audio in our minivan once and hearing it surround me - with no picture - was scary.  The voices and whatever they were talking about really creeped me out.  I don't know why I'm such a whimp...even that mask to me is just like....why?
• Psycho.  This has a lot of classic scenes from what I understand.  This was directed by Hitchcock, right?  The shower scene?  I think I have seen scene snippets so I didn't seem too clueless. 
• The Exorcist.  I went to Catholic school for many years.  I can't even think about this movie's plot without giving myself the heebjeebs.
• The Silence of the Lambs.  The two parts of this movie that stick out to someone who has never seen it: that creepy ass mask, and then the famous line "put the lotion in the basket"
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Now that is a scary mask.  Do they really cut people up with a chainsaw?  I know how a chainsaw works and that sounds terrible and unnecessary.  No way, Jose.
• Halloween.  There is something from this movie that I like: that theme song.  Otherwise I'm not interested.

Sorry Dad.

Seven Things That Gross Me Out

Howdy there!

You know how some people have things that really gross them out? 

Well, I am no exception to that.

This is going to be a really short post because I'm pretty sure that writing details will gross me out so bad that I wouldn't be able to finish. 

With that stellar intro, I present you my 7.

Seven Things That Gross Me Out

• Spiderwebs.
• Vomit.
• Millipedes.
• Snakes.
• Mice.
• Anatomy of An Egg.
• Organs Served As Food.

Share yours if you want...

Seven Reasons I DESPISE Bananas

Hoy es Martes!

That's "Today is Tuesday" for you non-Spanish speakers.  Don't tell me I never taught you anything.  Now you know.

Remember back when I started this little blog? For those that don't have 7 w/D's birthday in your planners like me, it was June 30, 2011.  That was:

2955 page views ago...(holy sh*t!)

158 human written comments ago...(lots of spam, like 40 or so)

88 posts ago...(longest streak I have ever attained - yay!)

3 followers ago...(actual subscribed followers...)

All that time ago, I wrote the first post and promised you seven different sevens.  I recently checked in on that first post and evaluated myself.  SPOILER ALERT: I am not doing very well!  Take a look at the initial seven, I've crossed out my accomplished topics...

• Seven Reasons I Despise Bananas
• Seven Ways To Avoid Having A Social Life
• Seven Arguments For Boxed Brownie Mix (...from a pastry chef)
• Seven Television Shows You Must See & Why
• Sevyn Reasons Why My Name Is Better Than Yours ('cause it is...)
• Seven Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch/Listen To Rachel Ray
• Seven Reasons Not To Buy A House (maybe a point/counterpoint piece)

...yeaahhhh...

88 entries later I have ignored 6/7 topics that I promised to write!  I have claimed to have nothing to write about to my family and friends.  I now freely admit that I AM A LIAR.  I aim to fix this.  Some of these topics are kind of silly and not in the direction I want to take the blog, but I refuse to break my promise to the entire interwebs. 

Did you see that I wrote the fifth bullet point as Sevyn with a Y?  I am so clever.  I just amazed myself.  I'm awesome and way too obsessed with my own name.  Thanks a lot Ma and Pa, you created a legend monster.

In the spirit of keeping my promise, I want to tell you about my disdain of that yellow fruit.  I'd like to warn you, if you have never heard this rant in person, you are in for a treat.  I am very passionate about my hatred for this yellow "fruit".  I don't know why I hate them so.  I don't know when I started hating them so(used to like them as a kid) but I don't see that going away any time soon.  Last food around?  I'll starve thanks. 

image from here

Seven Reasons I DESPISE Bananas

• That damn peel & its stupid strings! You know what I mean.  What other fruit has a peel that is useless?  Oranges(citrus) have peels, but they are full of delicious essential oils and that magical zest that we use in everything to make it better.  Most other fruits have skins that aren't so damn nasty.  Just look at the picture, the peel is in full view and is just really gross looking.  Where do the strings come into play?  Why do they need to be there?  They ruin banana foods.  Yes, despite my supreme hatred of bananas I still cook with them and can respect their delicious factor to people other than myself.  But the strings bother me so bad, they get in between my fingers when I'm trying to chop a million bananas up at work and its not a pretty situation.  Ask all my coworkers, there is generally profanity and a colorful spread of it.  
• What the FRAK is up with the slime factor?  No seriously, can somebody explain this to me?  Open up a banana and its pretty dry(not wet?).  Then as it sits or as you handle it while cooking it or like when a kid manhandles it, it gets so so SO slimy.  Knives get this residue all over them and it takes some real elbow grease to get rid of.  Its nasty.  Slime + Strings = Worst.Combination. Ever.  I can't even talk about it anymore, I'm getting too worked up about it. 
• No need for all the colors, Mr. Banana.  They start off green and then morph into the yellow bananas people enjoy.  Next they start to take on freckles and people still like them.  The freckles take over the bananas and turn them completely brown.  This is where you make banana bread or banana muffins or just throw them away.  If you let them continue down their chosen path they will be black before they take on the various colors of mold.  Why do they have to be so fancy and flaunt all these colors and stages?  They are rude and boisterous and I hate them for it.
• Why so mushy?  I like apples and pears and peaches and they all have some texture and structure to them.  Oranges have the little bits that hold it all together which provides this texture variation.  Grapes, melons, and even berries all have something to them you know? You can eat bananas with no teeth.  I like my teeth, they have cost me (and my parents) a fair chunk of money, so can you blame me for wanting to use them to eat???
  
• The smell that lingers.  My coworkers and roommates laugh at me because I can ALWAYS tell when bananas have been used.  Even if they are put away and cleaned up after, I can tell.  Without seeing them in the garbage or seeing it crossed off the list I can smell tell.  Baking banana bread really lingers too but I'll tell you why I can't hate that and its all my grandma's fault.  She makes banana bread for as long as I can remember.  Its nothing fancy with nuts or anything.  Just bananas and a quick-bread recipe.  It has a texture that I love and spreading butter all over it makes it so supreme.  It is the ONE banana infested item that I can eat and not want to spit out.  Its a really simple treat but rooted so deep in my memories that I will always enjoy it.  Funny how that works, huh?
• All of the artificial banana flavored/scented goods in the entire WORLD.  Candies, candles, air fresheners, fluorides, scratch and sniffs, beverages, etc.  You can get banana ANYTHING.  They all suck.  They don't taste like banana, they smell so fake it makes me sick, and they are no bueno.  You know how upset the smell of real bananas make me?  This turns me into the incredible HULK. 
• Taste. I taste any food I make with bananas and every once in a while (every year or two) I try a raw banana to check if anything has changed.  It never changes.  They just don't taste good to me.  Guess what, that's my prerogative as an American: I can hate bananas for no reason(except I clearly have seven).  And so I do.  

If you've stuck around this long, on my longest post EVER, please pat yourself on the back.  You deserve that pat, ya'll.  Anyone wanna fight me on this?  Anybody have any other completely rational hatred towards inanimate objects?

Seven Arguements Against Blue Food

Happy Holiday Weekend Everybody! 

I hope everyone takes care of themselves this weekend and has copious amounts of barbecue and summer foods!  Eegees' FOM is Original Orange, FYI!!


I'll be around, working!  We get a lot of funny requests in the kitchen and a common one that I try to avoid is blue foods. 

Lemme preface that to let you know that I have nothing against the color blue.  Its a lovely color, really.  Especially where it occurs naturally - sky/ocean.  Its a beautiful eye color on the fellas, am I right ladies?  I enjoy rooms decorated with blue, paintings painted with blue, blue clothing.  I just have an issue with it in food.


I've been asked about a blue wedding cake.  Not the icing, not the decorations but the actual cake.  Its definitely possible.  It has been done for sure, but I would prefer not to deal in blue food.

Can I tell you why?

Okay, good!

Seven Reasons I Avoid Blue Food

• It doesn't occur naturally.  This alone is enough for some people.  There is no truly blue food.  Even things like blueberries appear blue but are actually purple when you cook with them or use them in other food.  
• Blue Mouth.  This is the biggest anti-blue-food-at-a-wedding selling point.  Do you really want all of your guests to walk around with purple-ish lips and blue tongues?  All those memories encapsulated in those photographs, marred by blue mouths. 
• Blue Terror.  Since it doesn't occur naturally, it can't be created naturally and looks just a little weird, like the picture I included above.  It can actually frighten me when I see artificially blue food on a buffet or even just in pictures.  I can't be alone on this...
• Unhealthy.  Food color (any color) is actually not that good for you.  There are studies that prove this and now thankfully you can get a lot of natural food colors but they don't achieve the bright and bold colors people like. For another reason that its not good for you, look to my next reason...
• Blue Terror v2.0.  Ever eat a lot of blue food and have a heart attack when you look in the toilet the next day?  I thought I was for sure dying once.  Too much grape soda...won't be making that mistake again.  Any color does this but the shades that come after too much blue and purple foods is...amazing and quite frightening until you realize what you ate. 
• Confused Children.  Blue Raspberry is a flavor that is marketed to all kids.  Blue raspberry yogurt, snow cones, candies, etc.  Guess what, raspberries aren't blue.  They are red and these poor kids are trying to learn and be smart so we can compete in the world market...yet they are being taught that raspberries are blue.  Way to go, America.  
• The Funky Aftertaste.  Ever eat some red velvet cake and have a weird aftertaste?  Or some of your kids birthday cake that was neon shades of blue and green?  Yeah that is what food color does to food.  Imagine my perspective here, I work really hard to make delicious food and then you ask me to dump a few ounces of chemicals into it to make it look a certain way which completely negates all my hard work!  Also, yuck no thanks.

Maybe I'm a little strange for being so passionate about blue food.  I know there are several others in my field that have the same feeling.  I still do it, but I encourage light blues and other alternatives.  Purple is much easier...I know lots of purple-y foods. 

How do you feel about blue food? Or artificially colored food?


As a side note, this is my first post with a dedication.  This is for KT, you know who you are!

Seven on Technology

Hey. Just do me a favor today and click past this post and onto your next bookmark.

This is sure to be my worst post because I'm gonna sound like a whiny brat. (that is what I feel like today too!)

Today is all about technology. That devil spawned creation.

Without further ado...

Seven on Technology

- IT SUCKS! My trusty little red netbook crashed yesterday. Out of the blue. For no apparent reason. I'm very capable of fixing my techno-infused issues. Not this time. I've invested over 12 hours already and I'm PISSED!!!

- I hate how connected to it I am. Or the whole word is for that matter. It broke down and it ruined my day. I have an excellent desktop computer that I built, but my portable couch computer breaks and I'm a mess. How did I get here?

- I have a curse, I think. I tweeted last night that I wanted to be a professional blogger, even put it on my Facebook status. I was inspired by bloggers I follow whose blog was crashed after a wildly popular post. And then my computer crashed.

- I love it. I love being connected to the world, I really am a big fan of technology but when it breaks I wanna chuck it out the window real bad. Love and hate, I tell ya!

- I also broke my old laptop many years ago. I still have it, I can't get rid of it. I'm determined that I can fix it's booboos. But guess what, I can't and even if I could, it's not worth it anymore since it is past it's prime. Maybe it's a Devyn thing, but it's the sentimental connection. So as soon as I finish this, I'm gonna wipe it clean and finally part ways with it. We've had our fun, right?

- Technology is amazing though if you think about it. I traveled across the country several times back and forth thousands of miles and this netbook survives. Somehow something else took it out and broke it down. Isn't it weird? Tough, physically but alwyays vulnerable.

- About a month ago my phone tried to take a crap and die too. I fixed it. If I can fix that, I can fix this. All about the attitude right? I really need to look on the bright side though. I didn't lose any data, it's not my only computer and it's not a lost cause(like my other one).


Is technology this much of a bear to anyone else?

Seven Cars I Will Never Own, Drive Or Desire

'sup?

Cars.  We all have to deal with them.  Most people I know have them.  They are an almost completely unavoidable part of life.  There are even car people!  People who enjoy working on them, looking at them, I don't fancy myself a car person.  I do have opinions on them, though.  For my whole life all I ever wanted were braces(check), glasses(check), and  a car(check). 

I was very spoiled and got a car on my 16th birthday.  Adorable little Ford Focus hatchback coupe.  Red.  I loved that thing.  On my 19th birthday I almost totaled it.  I now have one of my dream cars and love it on most days.  I have a list of my 7 dream cars coming up soon, but I wanted to start with this list...

Seven Cars I Will Never Own, Drive, Or Desire:

• Range Rover.  These cars are ugly.  I haven't seen one I like that didn't have thousands of dollars worth of body work done to it.  Take an expensive car, add lots of expensive body work to it, and you still have an ugly car.  They also just have this status equated with them that is not me.  No thanks!
• Toyota FJ Cruiser.  One of many boxes on wheels.  Some I almost like or enjoy, but not this one.  This car is just so so so ugly.  It comes in weird colors.  Off white?  Why buy a white car that already looks dirty?  Also looks like it might be unsafe with too many blind spots.  I'm already blind enough as it is.  No thanks.
• Mazda Miata.  Small.  Tiny car that is already one step away from being a pancake, who's to say a tiny fender bender won't destroy this car?  Also they usually belong to middle aged men with mid life crisis problems.  Not for me, no thanks.
• Chrysler PT Cruiser.  Another ugly ugly car.  I drove one once, and it made me feel ugly.  So weird.  How does that happen?  I see these cars and it triggers me to say "ew".  No thanks.
• Ford Excursion.  These cars can't even fit into a parking space.  How are they even legal?  More like a boat on wheels.  Who needs a car that big?  What about that gas mileage?  I still see these cars around, who has money they can literally burn as gasoline?  Nobody I know. Also, u-g-l-y.  No thanks.
• Pontiac Aztec.  This car is the single most ugliest car I have ever laid eyes on.  It doesn't know what it is. It doesn't know what it is supposed to look like.  Sorry Pontiac, but this was a bad move.  I mean you made the freakin' GTO.  To put the Pontiac logo on this was just bad form.  Not okay, no thanks.
• Chevy HHR.  Looks like a milk truck but in the 21st century.  Some people can pull it off, I guess.  If I had to choose between no car and this car, I would choose no car.  No thanks.

So, to all the car enthusiasts out there...do you have any "no thanks" cars?