Seven Freeway Driving Tips

What is today's date? 
10-4.

Does that mean anything to you, out there? 

To me, its the greatest day of the year to flaunt my ridiculous love of Citizens Band(CB) radio jargon.  You heard me. 

Affirmitive, I enjoy this lingo more than I should.

I have put together some tips for driving on the freeway, with a very stong CB jargon influence.  Enjoy!


Or at least, don't laugh at me. 

Seven Freeway Driving Tips (heavily influenced by CB lingo)

1. Don't be a four wheel phone booth.  You know what this means, right?  Don't talk on the phone while you are driving.  To use the phrase in a sentence, try this:  "roger we've got a four wheel phone booth just past the choke and puke on the big 10, steer clear good neighbor"
2. Look out for gators in the road and be careful around the gator guts.  This is the most used CB phrase in my world, outside of the classic "10-4".  A gator is the tread of  a blown out tire in the road.  Gator guts are the shredded remains of a blown out tire.  Guts are mostly harmless and the gators are generally large pieces.  They are truly dangerous, so be careful around gators!
3. Don't be bear bait.  You know what a bear is?  Police.  You know like:  couny mounty, astronaut, blue lights, boy scouts, city kitty, evil knivel, honey bear, kojack with a kodak, paper hangers, and tijuana taxis.  I've had my fair share of bear bites and strongly suggest you avoid getting speeding tickets.   This is coming from a retired jet pilot. 
4. Respect the hammer lane and the granny lanes.  If you feel the need to put the hammer down, ride in the hammer lane - otherwise stick to the granny lane.  Nothing annoys your fellow drivers more than disrespecting these conventions.
5. When you start checking your eyes for pinholes, take a cue and stop at the local nap trap.  Driving when you're tired is never a good plan, stop at a roadside motel and catch a few z's.  
6. Keep your tank full of that go-go juice.  Nobody should run out of gas, if the sign says 50+miles to the next stop, evaluate and maybe refill the tank.  Walking several miles just for some motion lotion is completely preventable.
7.  Don't be a bumper sticker.  Bears will get ya for this, if you don't get yourself into a bit of an ooooops first.  Tailgating is very dangerous especially on the big road where you are often doing the double nickel or more!  Be safe out there!

Devyn out in the Sticker patch - over and out, come back(in the comments)!

I'm not as awesome as you may think, I had to look up a lot of this lingo and was completely helped by this site. 

Seven Cars I've Wanted For My Entire Life

Cars.

Can't live with them, can't live without them.  Not here in Arizona at least.

Mine has been causing me nothing be trouble this week.  I have half a mind to sell it.  Too bad I happen to own my dream car and can't imagine buying anything else.  Too damn bad for you, Dev. (high brow problems)

Does anyone else call themselves by a nickname?  Like when you talk to yourself and stuff?

No?

Just me, huh?  OK.  Back to cars we go!  These are my dream cars, not to be confused with these cars that I hate.

Seven Cars I've Wanted For My Entire Life:

• Nissan Murano.  I'll take one in black please.  At an amazing deal, when I wasn't planning on buying a car too please.  Oh wait, that has already happened to me.  Yay me!  Now I just need a little extra cash to fix it up a little bit.  All cosmetic issues, but annoying ones!  Hatch doesn't open, CD doesn't eject, has never played iPod, visors don't stay, drivers seat rocks, door actuators are intermittent and most recently the fuel gauge is acting up.  Fix all this, and this girl is living the dream - literally.
• Dodge Ram 1500.  This one I'd like to be dark purple with a rugged bed liner and a chrome diamond plate toolbox.  Sparkly and rugged. For hauling and stuff but also for looking cute.  I wanted one of these since I was at least 12.  Who knows why?  I've always danced to the beat of my own drum.  
• Nissan 350Z.  Burnt orange, please! Sitting very low to the ground.  To fully enjoy this car, I need to learn to drive a stick shift I think.  Come on, brother! Teach me already. I like to tell myself the only reason I don't already have one is because I like to haul things around.  Truth be told, I will probably never own one, but a girl can dream!
• Toyota Prius. I really want a hybrid.  I really want one.  I normally don't follow trends especially with cars, but I would really like a Prius.  They aren't my favorite exterior look, but the inside and the capabilities are pretty awesome.  I want my Prius to be ironic slightly in that I want it to be black and completely blacked out.  Rims, lights, windows, everything.  This is a feasible dream, just need to find that sugar daddy!
• Ford Mustang(1965).  Red with white accents.  This is a very cliche dream but I still hang on tight.  I would love to learn how to restore and also restore it myself.  I have had dreams of finding one on craigslist at the absolute best bargain ever and buying it on impulse.  Could that dream come true?  Please and thankyou.
• Chevrolet Camaro(2011).  Green! Have you seen these on the road?  The green ones steal my breath away every.single.time.  Sure they are nothing like the sports cars from back in the day - too much plastic.  But boy does that plastic look sexy.  I want to drive one of these. How do you test drive a car?
• Audi R8.  I have always wanted an Audi, for two reasons.  First of all I have always admired the geometric and perfect logo that comes with Audi.  I have a major thing for lines and perfect shapes and the four ringed logo is perfection.  Also the name.  I love how it is pronounced.  I enjoy their sedans and even their crossover type cars but seeing Iron Man made me realize this was the car for me.  I just want it in a mirrored tinted silver chromed out package.  So much so that it is almost a danger to drive in sunny Arizona because of all the reflections.  

I need to be better at fixing my own car.  They need to be better at being DIY'd.   Let's meet in the middle, carmakers.

Everyone has dream cars, what are yours?  Do you think my list is ridiculous? Tell me about it. 

Seven Cars I Will Never Own, Drive Or Desire

'sup?

Cars.  We all have to deal with them.  Most people I know have them.  They are an almost completely unavoidable part of life.  There are even car people!  People who enjoy working on them, looking at them, I don't fancy myself a car person.  I do have opinions on them, though.  For my whole life all I ever wanted were braces(check), glasses(check), and  a car(check). 

I was very spoiled and got a car on my 16th birthday.  Adorable little Ford Focus hatchback coupe.  Red.  I loved that thing.  On my 19th birthday I almost totaled it.  I now have one of my dream cars and love it on most days.  I have a list of my 7 dream cars coming up soon, but I wanted to start with this list...

Seven Cars I Will Never Own, Drive, Or Desire:

• Range Rover.  These cars are ugly.  I haven't seen one I like that didn't have thousands of dollars worth of body work done to it.  Take an expensive car, add lots of expensive body work to it, and you still have an ugly car.  They also just have this status equated with them that is not me.  No thanks!
• Toyota FJ Cruiser.  One of many boxes on wheels.  Some I almost like or enjoy, but not this one.  This car is just so so so ugly.  It comes in weird colors.  Off white?  Why buy a white car that already looks dirty?  Also looks like it might be unsafe with too many blind spots.  I'm already blind enough as it is.  No thanks.
• Mazda Miata.  Small.  Tiny car that is already one step away from being a pancake, who's to say a tiny fender bender won't destroy this car?  Also they usually belong to middle aged men with mid life crisis problems.  Not for me, no thanks.
• Chrysler PT Cruiser.  Another ugly ugly car.  I drove one once, and it made me feel ugly.  So weird.  How does that happen?  I see these cars and it triggers me to say "ew".  No thanks.
• Ford Excursion.  These cars can't even fit into a parking space.  How are they even legal?  More like a boat on wheels.  Who needs a car that big?  What about that gas mileage?  I still see these cars around, who has money they can literally burn as gasoline?  Nobody I know. Also, u-g-l-y.  No thanks.
• Pontiac Aztec.  This car is the single most ugliest car I have ever laid eyes on.  It doesn't know what it is. It doesn't know what it is supposed to look like.  Sorry Pontiac, but this was a bad move.  I mean you made the freakin' GTO.  To put the Pontiac logo on this was just bad form.  Not okay, no thanks.
• Chevy HHR.  Looks like a milk truck but in the 21st century.  Some people can pull it off, I guess.  If I had to choose between no car and this car, I would choose no car.  No thanks.

So, to all the car enthusiasts out there...do you have any "no thanks" cars?